Henry Chinaski Had Me Hard

This afternoon, I finished reading Factotum by Charles Bukowski. I was very excited when I started reading it, but by the time I finished it I was a bit low on spirit. I don’t know was it the effect of Chinaski or it was me coming to my self! To a great extent, I felt, we were alike. Except that he frequently changed jobs, while I am stuck to one. And the courage he had to write such stuff is missing in me.

You can understand what I am taking about, only when you read the book. It is a shit load (in his language), but that is exactly something that matters. He showed the glamourless life of a struggling writer. Something, I also experienced during those days of struggle in Delhi.

I still remember those crude remarks made by the person whom I was living with and who taught me the art of film making. I have great respect for that person – for his intellect and his knowledge, but on the personal front he was a failure.
He pulled me down and called me names. I am going to write everything that he and others have done to me, in my next novel. I think that is where Chinaski would encourage me. To be blunt and candid not only to others but also to myself as well.

Chinaski also showed me how dirty and filthy woman can be. I guess none of his women were graceful. They were all fallen. In my life I have come across same kind of woman. But there are a few graceful ones too. But, the grace is there in them only as long as I am doing what they want me to do.

Indian woman are strange. They are non-ambitious. Deep down in their filthy minds, they want a handsome fuckable guy next to them, fantasising being fucked hard by them in bed, and they get wet. But, to the world, they would pose to be the sanest person around.

I also fantasize fucking beautiful ladies, who doesn't. But, in the end I want someone who is as intelligent as I am, if I am!

But there are a few ladies, and those are the few ones I am still in touch with, who can still hold their heads up with some grace. Rest of the ladies have their heads hanging down, looking at the crotches they fantasize of being fucked by at night.

Every night.

The night is getting young and the girls have started to fantasize.

I am fantasizing too!